facebook cull

Text reads: Unplugged-ish. Background contains someone using a smartphone.

Unplugged-ish

No, it’s not the latest Kenya Barris show. (Although I recently discovered Black-ish, Mixed-ish, and Grown-ish on Disney+ and I’m really digging them.)

It’s about my complicated relationship with social media and what I’m trying to do about it.

On one hand, social media was how I interacted and connected with people in the absence of… well, properly developed social skills.

It’s also how I dipped my toe into the professional world — my first job after graduating was at a social media agency and I definitely learnt lessons there that I’ve taken with me throughout my career.

But it’s a massive time-suck. An easy way to mindlessly procrastinate. And an easy way to worsen one’s mental health.

I’ve alluded to my history of anxiety and depression here before, and plenty of social media platforms are not so great for that. Or they’re great for a while and then they’re reeeally not.

Recently, I decided to change the way I use Facebook. I culled my friends list down to family and what I’m calling my “close contacts” (a bit of COVID-inspired vernacular). I also unfollowed some pages that seem to disproportionately attract… a certain type of commenter.

And then I thought, screw all this crap — and uninstalled the Facebook app from my phone. It’s only been a few days but I feel better already.

A couple of days later, I decided to uninstall Twitter too.

It’s not a proper social media detox. It’s not even a Meta detox because I’ve still got a bunch of their other apps, including Instagram, which is still fun for me.

I also haven’t deactivated my accounts so I can always log in on a browser. I just figure there’s no reason why I need them at my fingertips constantly. Even if I find myself in a situation where live-tweeting might actually be beneficial/interesting to the world, I probably wouldn’t do it anyway.

So to cut a long story short, I deleted the Facebook and Twitter apps and I think it’ll be a positive move. Now to replace the mindless doomscrolling habit with something productive… like that second book maybe…

Text reads: All the changing seasons of my life. Background contains a row of different coloured daffodils.

All the changing seasons of my life

A lot has happened since my last blog post, including Western Australia’s hard border coming down so maybe I’ll come sign your copies of my book soon. 😉 But I’ve also been doing plenty of thinking. About how the world has changed over the past couple of years. And how I’ve changed.

Recently, I was chatting to a friend in America who asked me what my current passions were.

“That’s a good question actually,” I said.

Before the pandemic, going out for me usually involved live music. (That part is one of the more autobiographical aspects of Black and Blue.) But the thing about live music is that it often takes place at a venue where alcoholic drinks are flowing and people have no concept of personal space.

So I’ve always had to weigh up on a case-by-case basis whether I want to see the band more than I loathe the unwanted touching and germy bathrooms. Now I also consider the risk of spreading illnesses to someone who might not be as healthy and okay as I am.

But as my American pal and I talked about the state of the world, the loss of two years, work-related stress, not being able to see friends and family or go to events… we realised that one of the saddest parts for us might be seeing the worst in people we used to like and respect. The casual ableism… the conspiracy theories and spreading of misinformation… comparing their self-inflicted plight to the Holocaust… etc.

I brought this up with another dear friend of mine, who I’ve known since we were six years old.

“Not gonna lie,” they said, “As a queer, disabled person, I’m no longer surprised when someone I liked turns out to be garbage.”

Word.

Anyway, all that reflection also got me thinking about my 15-year love-hate relationship with Facebook, which has gradually become a Rolodex spanning my entire existence on this planet. At this point in my life, I’d rather keep things focused on family and friends I have an actual emotional connection with. (And managing Facebook pages, which is the main reason I can’t just delete/deactivate my profile).

So far I’ve culled about 200 people from my friends list and I’m sure everyone will survive without an annual meaningless birthday message from me.

Meanwhile, there are plenty of other social media platforms and apps that anyone can use to keep in touch or keep tabs on me… some of which are owned by Facebook’s parent company, so those zuckers still have their claws in me regardless. 😛

PS. If you’re up for 10 minutes of awesomeness, here’s the music video for “Estranged” by Guns N’ Roses, which happens to be the song I lifted this blog title from.

Estranged – Guns N’ Roses