What if I never succeed?

John Green recently posted a video on the Vlogbrothers YouTube channel he shares with his brother Hank.

In it he talks candidly about the pressure of trying to write a novel after the runaway success of The Fault In Our Stars. He mentions the novels he’s started and given up on since then, and admits he may never publish another book.

Watch John’s vlog here:

It got me thinking about things that, truth be told, are never far from my mind. I’ve written one complete novel to date. I want to get it published, but what if it never happens? I tell myself it doesn’t matter; that I can just write another manuscript, and another, and as long as I persevere, one will eventually stick. But what if the first manuscript was a fluke? What if I never actually finish another one? Or what if I’m just not good enough? I love writing — it gives me a sense of purpose that nothing else has ever matched — but could I really be content to do it for the rest of my life with nothing to show for it?

Sulky and angry young kid on the couch. Photo by Jack Moreh / Freerange Stock.
Photo by Jack Moreh / Freerange Stock.
Frankly, I don’t know the answer to that. I’m only in my 20s. But at the end of the day, I think most of us — regardless of what we do — doubt ourselves from time to time. Or maybe all the time. It doesn’t mean you can’t do what you want to do. I’m full of angst, but I’m still a writer. Because a writer is someone who writes, not necessarily someone who has a great deal of self-belief or confidence in their ability.

Going back to John Green’s vlog, I liked how he said he’s become okay with not knowing whether he’ll publish another book or whether anyone will like it if he does. Perhaps I could learn to be genuinely okay with the possibility of failure too.

But not until I’ve done everything within my power to succeed.

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